the beauty of failure

I believe that the beauty of failure is not taught enough, whether in school, at work, in church, in movies, in books, in songs.

3 stories of my learning from failure

I grew up first in class at school. I liked to learn and I learned quickly. Maybe it was only sports and drawing that I struggled with, but I just didn’t know about those subjects. So I grew up knowing that everything would always be easy for me – at least the most important things.
The problem is that when everything is simple, you don’t learn perseverance.

1. Driving license

Life has come. When I was 18, I tried to pass my driver’s license. I missed. Once.
The second time, I put on make-up to maybe look better in the eyes of the inspector, to give me a boost of confidence. But I still missed it.
The third time, I couldn’t believe it anymore, so I went to the exam accepting the fact that I was probably going to have to go back a fourth time. No makeup this time, just dressed.

Paradoxically, this letting go allowed me to pass the exam the third time. When I got the letter that said I had my license, I couldn’t believe it, and I cried tears of relief.

I believe that it is by accepting the idea of failure that success finally came to me.

2. Graduate studies

I studied in MP preparatory classes after high school (= intensive scientific courses over two years to prepare for the entrance exams to French engineering schools). I joined the starred classes in the 2nd year (= classes bringing together the best in class, to prepare them for the most difficult competitions). I had a hard time in physics class, so I didn’t work much on the subject. I was hoping to be able to save myself with the other subjects.
Result, when the competitions arrived, I did not have the schools I wanted (I was ambitious). I knew that I could surely have them by ironing the competitions the following year, but I did not want to go through all the stress of the past year. I wanted to leave, to make my life, to join all these people on social networks who seemed to have fun and go around the world.

That said, I felt it would be good for me to do another year. I had a horrible feeling of failure, but I decided to hang in there.
So I redid my 2nd year of studies. All that year, I kept visualizing myself arriving at those schools in Paris that interested me so much. It was my dream. While doing this, I accepted the fact that maybe it wouldn’t work. But at least I would have tried.

Then… when I re-entered the contests the 2nd time, I had a medical problem and I didn’t have the schools for which I had prepared myself.
A year for nothing, could we have said? What a stupid choice, a wasted year of life?

No, because I had already accepted the possibility of failure. And in my failure, I knew what I had achieved despite everything. In my apparent failure, I had learned to listen to my body by going to bed earlier, to persevere, to love a subject I hated, and to better organize myself personally. I had learned to go beyond the limits of my ability to concentrate and analyze.

The important thing had been the process much more than the official result.

This is the beauty in failure.

3. A lesson from Game of Thrones

Last year, during my slow and up-and-down job search, I was watching Game of Thrones. I would like to share a scene that helped me immensely during this time.

In this scene, there is Jon Snow (the young man) and Ser Davos (the oldest).

[SPOILER ALERT] Jon Snow was killed by his colleagues while standing up for an unjustly oppressed people and basically trying to warn people that monsters (the White Walkers) were coming and to be prepared. He fought against old beliefs and false traditions, for the good of his people, but failed miserably by being killed as a traitor.

A witch walks by, sees Jon Snow as a potential leader, and resurrects him.

Jon Snow wakes up alongside Ser Davos. Instead of being grateful to have a second life, Jon completely freaks out. What will he be able to do with his new life if no one has supported him before?…

The video below is in English and French subtitles.

[/FIN DU SPOILER]

I love Ser Davos’ answer. Anyone would have answered Jon Snow: “But yes, come on, you’ll make it this time.” with a super optimistic tone. But Ser Davos is realistic and wise. He simply says “Go, and fail again.”

GO, AND FAIL AGAIN.
NOW GO FAIL AGAIN.

What a paradox, no, to encourage someone to fail? But it’s such a relief for Jon! He finally gets up from his bed and dares to confront those who killed him, to try to regain their trust.

The beauty of failure…

Why wouldn’t we do that?

If you want to be like Jon Snow or me, the next time you’re afraid of failing (an exam, a relationship…), don’t say to yourself, “I’ll make it.” What stress!
Instead, tell yourself, “I’m doing my best and I’ll accept the outcome whatever it is.”

I’ll do my best, and I’ll accept the outcome, whatever it is

Everyone can make mistakes, make mistakes in life. Me. Jon Snow the hero. You. And that’s life!

And so, when I was looking for a job last year… telling me all that, it helped me let go. Instead of betting everything on a company, I accepted in advance the fact that I might not be accepted. Whether it was my fault or because of external circumstances, it didn’t matter. If one business didn’t work, I would go to another, and so on. It allowed me to hold on psychologically during my 9 months of research and to finally find the great job that I still have today.

And did you know that even Silicon Valley start-ups are encouraged to fail a lot and fast? This is one of the key ways to improve its customer offer. Sometimes constantly failing is the only way to improve in the best possible direction.
Even Thomas Edison, who invented the light bulb after 1000 tries, said, “I didn’t fail 1000 times, I just found 1000 ways not to get the result.”

I wish we taught that more in school. If you fail an exam, instead of being compared to others, we should celebrate your mistakes, which teach you a lot, and give you another chance to take the exam again until you understand everything. Everyone has their own line of progression, some have to be wrong more than others sometimes to understand the same concept. And that’s OK.

And as a friend of mine would say:

It is better to regret having tried than to regret never having tried.

That’s the beauty in failure.

October 21, 2020

—

For more stories about my failures, read my posts on Instagram 🙂

What is your personal history with failure? Share in comment or on social networks with #goandfailagain