the paradise of results
How many times have we conditioned our happiness on expected results?
This article is a sequel to “Are we looking for the right paradise ?”, where I asked the question: What are the “paradises” in our lives for which we stress ourselves much more than necessary? In other words, what are the goals that we sometimes set and say to ourselves “If I don’t achieve it, my life will have no meaning”? Alors qu’il existe des solutions alternatives, plus simples, qu’on refuse de considérer parfois… par bête entêtement !
Here are some of my thoughts, around the theme of results:
- The problem of perfectionism at school
- La quête sans fin des promotions en entreprise
- When personal projects take up too much space
1. Le problème du perfectionnisme à l’école
Were you more first, middle, last in class? Quelle que soit votre position, vous avez sûrement ressenti le même stress de la réussite scolaire – et certains plus que d’autres. I think perfectionism affects both the top and bottom of the class.
I remember for example this girl who was very good in class, but who always stressed more than necessary about her grades. If she had 19/20 instead of 20/20, it was a disaster. She was constantly living on the adrenaline of success. Because of that, when you were talking to her, she was literally sucking your “I’m missing a point!!!” energy from you. Pour elle, les notes PARFAITES étaient son paradis. Whileshe could have just released the tension a bit and just enjoyed where she was.
It’s good to have ambition, but how should that negatively affect the lives of people around you ?
In my case, I too was a very good student until high school, but I don’t remember having had any internal or external pressure to succeed. My parents never made me an unpleasant remark about a bad grade and I was simply working for the pleasure of learning. Et pour les matières que je n’aimais pas… j’avais des moins bonnes notes, c’est vrai, mais je faisais juste de mon mieux et ça me suffisait.
This example also works for students who are struggling in class, and on whom parents sometimes put unreasonable pressure to “motivate” them to get better grades. Most people jealous of my grades, mean to me (fake friends, fake rumors, etc.) were in this situation. I guess their primary academic motivationcame from the pressure of their parents. I learned later that when they weren’t successful, their parents blamed them of the type: “Your sister had better results”, “You are punished”, “How are you not first? “… what a pity ! Des années plus tard, ça se transforme en adultes qui font un burn-out, se rendent compte qu’ils n’aiment pas ce qu’ils font, n’ont vécu leur vie que par rapport aux attentes des autres, et ont l’impression d’avoir gâché des années.
For these students with difficulties, good grades are also their paradise… perhaps forever inaccessible. Not because they can’t, but rather because they simply have capabilities to be exploited in other areas – and we force them to integrate a framework that does not suit them (I am thinking of artists, athletes, craftsmen…). Or they have a different learning method (because yes, our brains are all designed differently), and it would be enough to accompany them differently from other students – with benevolence, without comparison of value.
In the meantime, I suggest to congratulate someone for their efforts – instead of congratulate only on his results. Some will perhaps never arrive at the result; That shouldn’t stop them fromappreciate their progress day by day. jo
The only time that exists is today.
And so, the only results that matter, these are the ones today; not those of tomorrow, nor of yesterday.
Vivre dans l’unique attente de la perfection n’est pas une vie de bonheur ; c’est une vie gâchée, où l’on lie sa valeur uniquement par rapport au degré de perfection de nos résultats.
Who wants to live this?
2. The never-ending quest for corporate promotions
In business, don’t we find the same dilemma? Some sometimes spend their entire energy to get a promotion, or a new job, and get noticed, sometimes to the detriment of their family life, other colleagues, or their hobbies. They think happiness is in a position with more responsibility, not noticing missed opportunities with the people they love around them.
More money, for less time with his family, or for himself? Unless it’s a question of survival, I don’t find it really motivating.
I live in California and how much I hear people complaining about their 60 hour work weeks, with their 2-3 weeks vacation per year. And despite that, they still want to be promoted ; going from a salary of $150,000 to $200,000, even if that means spending their Friday nights and Sunday mornings on work emails they can’t keep waiting for. They already have one of the highest salaries in the world (we laugh from afar in France with our ~€36,000 at the start of our engineering career) but instead of being happy about it, they continue to seek recognition higher up the hierarchical ladder. It’s an endless quest.
Bref, où que les gens soient, ils continuent parfois à se créer des problèmes ; au lieu de profiter de ce qu’ils ont, ils continuent à croire qu’il y a une herbe encore plus verte ailleurs, tout en oubliant les sacrifices que cela peut engendrer. (I’m not exempt from this behavior by the way, in all honesty, mea culpa).
Hey, STOP!
Je ne suis pas contre l’ambition si c’est vraiment un métier que vous aimez faire ; mais l’aimez-vous vraiment plus que les gens qui comptent pour vous, vos amis, votre famille ? Or other projects that you put aside?
I say that happiness is already there, you just have to seize it.
Find a balance that works for you.
You only have one life, and when you die, your company will probably forget about you very quickly. Your resume will no longer exist. You will be replaced.
But your family can never replace you! She is here now. So enjoy it.
It’s OK if you can’t give your son a Tesla on his birthday, or pay for his Stanford education (send him instead in Europe, it’s free !).
3. When personal projects take up too much space
Maybe this is your startup idea. Or your next YouTube channel. Or the novel you’re writing.
You tell yourself that you will not be fully happy until the day it is published, where you will have lots of followers, where you will finally become profitable. So you think about it your nights, your days, you only think about it… and you don’t notice that you leave everything else behind.
The simple moments with your friends. With your family. All the time must be used in the achievement of your goal, and the rest is just a distraction. The days pass and you have forgotten the color of the sunset, or the value of a good night’s sleep.
If you died tomorrow, what would all of this have been for?
Do you really appreciate what you already have?
As such, I greatly admire my brothers. They do personal projects (even a start-up for one) while having their own family! Quite the opposite of the usual speech: “Let me be rich first and then I will take care of my family.” I’m so proud when I see they manage to be happy now instead of planning to be happy only later. I see that they are happy with the progress they are making day by day, while taking the time to enjoy their families and be happy. They have found a balance that suits them, without regrets.
Limit, it puts pressure on me as a single person without children: indeed, if they manage to do their own projects with half the time I have, then I should be able to do even more things 😛 but I learned with experience that I have the right to enjoy my time for myself too!
I will repeat what I said in the case of the school:
The only time that exists is today.
And so, the only results that matter, they are those of today; not those of tomorrow, nor of yesterday.
Living in the sole expectation of the realization of our project is not a life of happiness; it’s a wasted life, where we bind its value only in relation to the achievement of our results.
Who really wants to go through this?
Appreciate the day-to-day efforts, because that’s the only thing we really see.
What if we just appreciated the efforts made?
What if we were content to appreciate life and its simple existence. A bird song in the morning. To listen to his favorite music.
Let’s forget the idea that results are necessary before being happy.
We can just allow ourselves to be, now, in our present circumstances. Happy doesn’t mean completely comfortable – some of us have tough jobs and delicate health conditions. By happiness, I simply mean, peace of mind.
So, what are the paradises that you are looking for, that you have been looking for? Those who closed the door to you? What alternative solutions have you found, or refused?
